What Domestic Abuse Looks Like
I first want to say that the first step in stopping the cycle of domestic violence is to learn the warning signs and acknowledge what may be happening to you or a loved one. No one deserves to live in fear of anyone; mostly a person they love. We tend to think that domestic violence occurs between a man and a woman who are I a relationship; but domestic violence includes behaviors shown to parents and children and sometimes even siblings.
It can be easy to think that you’re well armed if you know martial arts moves; or you get trained in combat self defense. While it’s a fact that learning combat self defense or martial arts moves will raise your level of personal safety; if you lack the awareness of what domestic abuse looks like; you are still at risk for becoming a victim.
Here we will take a look at the pattern abuse tends to follow. If you or someone you know experiences this pattern even once, it is important to get out of the toxic relationship and do whatever you can to gain skill in combat self defense or hand to hand combat. Abusers are dangerous and do not like to give up control. It is important that a woman (or man…or child) be able to protect themselves from anyone at anytime.
Look at any resource for domestic violence and you will find a common pattern to abuse. The pattern goes like this:
- Abuse – The abusive partner lashes out with aggressive, belittling, or violent behavior. This power play shows the victim who is in control.
- Guilt – After the abuse occurs, the abusive partner may feel guilt. More than that, the abuser is afraid of getting caught and facing consequences for their abusive behavior. Excuses – The abuser rationalizes what he or she has done. This can include coming up with a load of excuses that make the abuse seem warranted. The victim asked for it somehow. This takes the responsibility off the abuser.
- “Normal” behavior — The abuser does everything possible to regain control and keep the victim in the relationship. This may be that the abuser acts like nothing happened. The other extreme is that the abuser will turn into their charming self. It is here that the victim may hold out hope that the abuser has changed.
- Fantasy and planning – At some point, the abuser begins to fantasize about abusing their victim again. Much time is spent thinking about what the victim has done wrong and how he’ll make them pay. A plan is then made for turning this fantasy into reality.
- Set-up – The abuser sets his victim up and puts his plan in motion, creating a situation where he can justify abuse yet again.
The cycle of abuse can sometimes occur within a short amount of time. Sometimes though, it can occur over a period as long as a year. It is important that victims stop accepting their role and find help. There is help available for anyone in an abusive relationship. While I believe that combat self defense is good for anyone; the issue of domestic violence is a tricky one. A victim wants to be able to protect themselves; but the real goal is to simply get far away from the abuser, not to fight them.
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