Domestic Violence: Have a Plan
It would be nice to say “Don’t be in an abusive relationship” and have that be that; but life is not so easy. Because life is not easy, and people have issues with self worth, domestic violence is a part of our society that will likely be around for a long time. As much as I would like to believe that people could learn some martial arts moves and gain confidence and self esteem; the fact is that this doesn’t always work for every person.
You read about people who got into martial arts in some form or fashion; usually actually in a dojo. Learning martial arts moves can be done with a martial arts DVD; but you miss the essential element of sparring. Of course, depending on the reason a person is learning martial arts moves to begin with; a martial arts DVD can work out just fine. In this instance, we are talking about having a plan against domestic violence. This may not be an instance where learning from a martial arts DVD would be the best plan of action.
Because I would like to still maintain the stance of “leave that relationship”; the discussion of having a plan is not going to include ways to live within an abusive relationship. Some articles out there do give advice for that; but I would rather focus on getting the message out that there IS HELP for victims of domestic violence. No matter how long you have lived in horrible relationships, you can put an end to the destructive relationship patterns by getting out and living on your own; even if that means you get help from a shelter for awhile.
So, when you are ready to leave an abusive relationship, domesticviolence.org has some great advice: Think of:
- Four places you can go when you leave your home. (yes, you need to be the one to leave and find a safer place)
- People who might help you if you left. Think about people who will keep a bag for you. Think about people who might lend you money. Make plans for your pets.
- Keeping change for phone calls or getting a cell phone.
- Opening a bank account or getting a credit card in your name.
- How you might leave. Try doing things that get you out of the house – taking out the trash, walking the family pet, or going to the store. Practice how you would leave.
- How you could take your children with you safely. There are times when taking your children with you may put all of your lives in danger. You need to protect yourself to be able to protect your children.
- Putting together a bag of things you use every day. Hide it where it is easy for you to get.
Having a plan to leave a highly abusive relationship is similar to anticipating using self defense. When I teach people to protect themselves, I tell them to imagine what an attacker would do; what a fight would look and feel like. This is similar in that an abuse victim needs to picture how they will leave; sometimes down to the smallest details like getting out of the house. Difficult; sometimes. Necessary; absolutely!
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